longest night

i think last night was one  longest nights of my life, i feel asleep fine around 11:30 but woke around 1:30am and have been up since then. i can not turn my thoughts off. they just go and go and its almost negative self talk. i still hurt from hearing my son say he hates me. somebody told me he doesn't mean it but he does at this moment. he is angry and hurt and probably really feels like he hates me. my only positive thought is there will come a day when he realizes that i am doing this because i love him and am worried and know he is not ready to take care of himself but. until that time it is going to difficult for me, as much as i tell myself i know deep down he loves me i still keep hearing his voice in my head. like i said yesterday i feel like i am going to explode.