hello

i am sitting here after just having a long conversation with a DSS worker. She sounds like a real nice lady and she wants to help me convince my son of all the things she can offer to help him. i tried to explain but he remains skeptical. he is confused, not to mention somewhat angry and hurt. it is hard enough to be a teenager today but to be one and slowly watch your mother die and your father struggle its really got to be rough. for me each day is a struggle, i live one day at a  time , each day searching for more reasons to go on. Right now they are my reasons. I know how i struggle with my mothers suicide and would hate to leave them the same legacy. Two days ago i got down on my knees and prayed, i do not really consider my self a Christian, as i have always been fascinated by eastern religions or faiths but figure what have i got to lose. Not sure if i mentioned this in earlier post but recently saw "Shawshank Redemption" and saw part where Tim Robbins tells his buddy that "  its time to get busy living, or get busty Dying". i can really relate. I really want to live, obviously or i still would not be here but there time i don't know if i can keep going. there a are several people who have seriously invested themselves and that also keeps me going. Remember as i always say, try to do something nice for someone today, you will be re payed 10 times fold...........