absence

sorry folks, had to take some time out to address some issues, my medication did not seem to working  well and i allowed myself to become overwhelmed. hopefully my new regimen will work out. i know this is a blog dealing with homelessness but alot of times you can't really discuss homelessness without discussing mental health, they often go hand in hand. at least in my case they do. anyway i hope all is well with everyone else. i have had alot of time to think in the last week and have made some difficult decisions that are going to be hardd initially but hopefully will work out for the best in long run. i love my children with all my heart but i am no use as a father if i am dead so i need to take better care of myself and hopefully they will understand, you see they have been spoilt very much by me, mostly due to quilt i assume but i need to cut back in some areas, things such as having the latest and coolest cell phone , the holister and aeropostale, and spending money. i am killing myself trying to provide those things. i need to get back dealing with my basic needs first and then do what i can.. it will be difficult as they are my heart but a father who sets some boundaries and not always physically there is better than a dead one. i have been fortunate to cross paths with some people who really care and are sticking by me, my hope and desire is that i can make it work and then i do the same for someone else. thats what is all about, the more we give, the more we get in return..if you read this you are probably already somewhat socially conscience but please try to spread it on. there are little things, even saying hello to someone on the streets, i can remember people walking by looking at ground not wanting to look at me, homeless people are people with feelings just like everyone else, a little respect is not so much, you know..... anyway i am glad to be back and will keep writing as this is a blog but is also somewhat of a journal and need to expressing myself to get better

rocket man

sitting here and watched and episode of tv show and got somewhere between nostalgic and melancholic, listening to Van Morrison now, probably not best idea for depressed person  but sometime blues make me seem less blue. my mind is racing right now, always anxious but worse lately. looking for security i guess and there are no quick answers or remedies, that i know.. i wont be long, gonna force self to eat. just to let you know where i am at think "Rocket Man",  "Lost and cant find my way home", or" samba pa ti" and think,    just do it (sorry Nike), shit or get off pot, or as Tim Robbins said in "Shawshank Redemption" that "its time to get busy living, or get busy dying" anyway not sure if anybody reads these but  if you do thanks and reach out to someone in life. if we all help somebody just imagine what we can accomplish in this world we coexist. peace......

learnig how to live in the moment

told everybody i would get back to blogging more so here i am .i am somewhat anxious about future, i miss most is stability, you know what i mean? knowing you are sleeping in same bed you are for until you are ready to move on, some security i guess is what i am trying to say. also trying not to allow myself to get too overwhelmed about stuff but is hard. i have mentioned several times about how little i really want out of life, a little place of my own, my children in my life, simple things but when i start putting the numbers together is hard not to get overwhelmed. i think i mentioned how little money i have coming in and at that rate i cannot even pay my own bills already much less save. i have an interview this week and am going to try to work both jobs. it will be difficult because i am in not the best health and less face no young lad anymore but seems my only solution. i try not to get envious of others but sometimes it is not easy. i miss not having a family. i miss my mother very much, you know someone you can lean on when you are troubled. i do have a group of young students who seem to care and want to make a difference and i am thankful for that but sometimes... well its hard. i am going to keep fighting though, i owe it to my kids. anyway to those who are out there and reading i thank you. it helps to share and tomorrow i hope you do something nice for someone, even if it is just a smile or a hello

what a day

winding down, long day at work and feet hurt but hey i cant complain, anyway i wrote a nice long entry this am and then had computer issues. day was so chaotic not sure what it was even about. i know a feel a little anxiety right now but thats nothing knew, i am doing some positive things so sooner or later my luck gonna change. i think what i need to work on most is staying in moment. i have alot people around helping me and i am doing some work i just need to stay positive. my kids have been on my mind alot lately. i miss laying around watching tv eating junk food, maybe someday sooner.anyway to all those who help other people i thank you, i thinking helping people is kinda like a chain.........

hello

just thought i would drop a few lines to let people know i am still alive and kicking. have been fairly busy lately, work, saw my kids, some volunteer stuff . stuff a few years ago i would have complained about and took for granted, not today. we did some work in a community garden the other day and i actually enjoyed it.i just got home from work and have to send some emails so i am gonna go. to all out there i wish you well and if you get a chance do something to help somebody, you will be rewarded ten fold. i will try to write more manana.... chao....