missing

sorry folks that i have not been blogging lately, i really need it as i do this not only to share experiences of homeless people but my own therapy. and lord knows i need plenty of that. Mother day was last week and i really struggled with it. a lady stopped me and asked if i would like to buy my mom some nice flowers, of course i would, unfortunately i have no money and would not know where to take them, all my aunt told me were her ashes were scattered on some mountain in West Va.. i am really hurt sometimes its a struggle. i have had  my cousin, favorite uncle and now my mother all die by their own hands. sometimes i feel like i am cursed with same destiny myself but for my children's sake i fight on. i have been doing okay i guess, so-so. been staying busy doing some cleaning in community, around transitional house and even spent  time with my kids yesterday, i hated to see them go. tomorrow i have an appt. at Social Services about a small paying part-time job i had which turned out to be much too physically and mentally more that i can handle at present. never good news at DSS. they will probably suspend my benefits and make me start process all over again or penalize me for earning a grand some of 71.00 dollars a week, we'll see. the system is so short-sighted and set up to keep people down, it does nothing to encourage trying to do things to get out. i don't want welfare, i want an opportunity to take care of self and children as my ex-wife is really ill right now. all i can do is keep putting one foot in front of another, not giving up and pray for a break or two. please i implore of you to do something for someone other than yourself today, even if its just a smile and hello, you never know, that my be the gesture that gets someone through that particular day. until next time.. peace.......